12:04am

This is tough. It's not often that I get Bad News. Like actual bad news of someone falling ill/Death. But today, I did. My Sister called me right before I went into work to say that a Close Family friend of ours had Passed today. She was My Moms Best Friend. My Mom was hysterical. It made me think, but I didn't grasp the most out of it until I called my Mom to check on her after I got off.. Just now, actually. It started off as just a phone call; I've never physically lost anyone I was really close to, but I was trying to cope and understand. Then she expressed to me How much she's been apart of our Lives. all that she's done. For example, She lives in Los Angeles and has always made it a point to see me and my sister Graduate. We have pictures of her framed in our House. There's a thin wall between Family and Friends. My mom mentioned that it hurts more than when her sister died. I understand why. I've always held my friends higher than family. What's blood when it's your friends that really know you In&Out/that you talk and go to. She also made the statement, "I never thought I'd see my Best Friend die before my Mother." This now has me sobbing silently in my car and trying to disguise my voice so she doesn't hear me. I feel terrible for my Mother. I feel terrible for everyone morning Debbie's death.

I've already posted this once, but I feel I should post it again:

"Pythagoras asks that we not let a friend go lightly, for whatever reason. Instead, we should stay with a friend as long as we can, until we're compelled to abandon him completely against our will. It's a serious thing to toss away money, but to cast aside a person is even more serious. Nothing in human life is more rarely found, nothing more dearly possessed. No loss is more chilling or more dangerous than that of a friend."

-Ex-Best friend sent me that.Once upon a Time

So now I'm back and forth on calling or texting my ex-Best friend. I grab my phone. I put it down. I grab my Phone. I put it down. Explaining how I wish things were different between us. But they aren't. They won't be. I hate this. I feel it in the pit of my stomach to call her. To let her know what she already does. I probably wouldn't have to explain anything. But I'm not going to. -Cause in the long run, it won't change anything. And I don't have a Best Friend.